Dating and Relating
She may not always tell you what you want to hear, but she always tells it like it is. Which is why, as much as you hate to admit it, moms give some pretty great advice when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe it’s because she has no ulterior motives (other than getting herself some grandkids). But mostly it’s because she, more than anyone else in the world, wants you to be happy. In honor of Mother’s Day, we gathered some tried-and-true nuggets from men and women around the country.
Chivalry opens doors
“I was raised in the South, and my mom drilled into my head that I should always open the door for women because they ‘deserve and love to be treated like ladies.’ I’m not sure I knew what this meant when I was a kid, but I found out when I went to college ‘up North’ in New Hampshire. I was in the habit of opening doors, but the women weren’t in the habit of having doors opened for them! I earned a ton of pleasantly surprised smiles and thank-you’s. Pardon the pun, but it seriously opened a lot of doors for me, dating-wise! In fact, it’s thanks to Mom’s manners lesson that I met and impressed the woman who became my wife.”-Leland Reynolds, 35, Raleigh, NC
Work it out before hitting the hay
“My mom always told my sister and me to never go to bed angry. Sort of a cliché, granted, but it works. If I don’t resolve an issue with my boyfriend before bed, I can’t sleep, and then I wake up with that awful, anxious feeling in my stomach and can’t concentrate the whole day. It’s true that hashing it out before you turn out the lights pays off.”-Leah Wyar, 27, Hoboken, NJ
The (un)kindest cut
“Trivial as it may sound, Mom was adamant about the fact that men love long hair. I always thought she was crazy; when I was in college, everyone was cutting their hair like Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary, and they all looked adorable! During a particularly rebellious phase in my early twenties, I chopped off my long curls as well. After that, I might as well have worn a sign around my neck saying ‘Don’t ever ask me out on a date!’ It took nearly a year to grow it out, but with each inch, I got more attention from men. In my case, Mom was totally right.”-Heather Lyman, 31, Philadelphia, PA
Think of your future wife
“I had my first serious girlfriend during my freshman year of college. When I brought her home, my mom wasn’t too pleased with how I was treating her. I was teasing her like one of the guys, kind of ignoring her, and essentially expecting that she adapt to my lifestyle instead of going out of my way to make her feel comfortable. My mom sat me down and told me something I’ll never forget: ‘Always treat women the way you hope some guy out there is treating the woman who will someday become your wife.’ When Mom put it that way, it was like a light bulb went on in my head; I completely changed my dating behavior. I became more selfless, generous, caring and understanding—I acted the way I hoped someone out there was treating my future wife. And it’s had a really positive impact on my relationships.”-Brandon Schaare, 31, Lake Forest, IL
The past isn’t perfect
“Even though she’s technically my grandma’s mom and not mine, my great-grandmother played a maternal role in my life. Here’s what she said: ‘Never tell your boyfriend/husband everything about your past... it’s none of his business and all it will do is breed trouble!’ She’s totally right, too. Once I opened up to a boyfriend about the number of guys I’d dated before him, and he did freak out a bit, even though he said I could tell him anything. I love that this advice came from my great-grandma—she was married by her mid-teens and was a stay-at-home mom, but it’s her inner feminist speaking out.”-Bernadette Fiorello, 27, New York, NY
Let the cat out of the bag
“I have always been a cat-lover, and have a tabby cat named Miss Kitty. My mom, a fellow cat person, once told me that you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats a cat. Because most men are dog-lovers and cat-loathers, you know he’s a good catch if he treats your cat well. I have always found this to be true. Any guy who is good to Miss Kitty always turns out to be a really loving, giving person to me, too.”-Brigid Fagan, 32, St. Paul, MN
The power of flowers
“Mom always said that any guy can buy roses, but a guy who buys a woman other kinds of flowers will stand out from the crowd. When I was young, she schooled me in the ways of tulips, lilies and peonies, and since then, I have always impressed the women I date with my taste in bouquets. It’s just another way to show that you’re not just like all the other guys out there who take the easy route and buy the first thing they see at the florist.”-Andrew Porticello, 29, Freehold, NJ
Mom’s the word
“Want to know how a man will be with his wife? Check out how he treats his mother. That’s what my mom always said. Does he remember her birthday? Is he kind and respectful? Or does he lie on the couch while she cleans up around him? It’s really very telling. My friends and I think this is great advice, and we always watch the boyfriend/mom relationship once we get serious with a guy.”-Michelle Lee, 26, Decatur, GA
Food for thought
“My mom was a big fan of the old saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so she taught me how to cook, promising me it would help out when I was dating. Nothing fancy, just comfort foods like mac and cheese, meatloaf and chicken pot pie. I really think there’s some truth to it—I have impressed many a guy with my cooking. Not sure if they come back for my personality or for the food, but they keep coming back, regardless!”-Sarah Gardiner, 30, Bethesda, MD
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